How to Talk To Your Kids When the News is Gruesome
Summer of sadness opens door to talking about fears and safety.
Written by Diane Dennis for the Portland Tribune

After a long summer of abduction stories, it’s time to gain perspective and shore up the family safety plan.

Recently, the murders of Ashley Pond and Miranda Gaddis took center stage on our televisions, radios and newspapers. If you haven’t already, perhaps now is the time to solicit our kids’ thoughts about this tragedy. As consummate media consumers, kids have ingested enough of the Oregon City tragedy to have opinions.

On the day the bodies were found on Ward Weaver’s rented property, a friend was driving her 13-year-old son to his music lesson. As they listened, riveted, to the talk-show host thrashing out the details, the son asked, “Why is it always about men when something horrible happens?”

For this boy on the cusp of manhood, the question comes from his own personal concern about how society perceives men.

Current news events offer parents an opportunity to teach. First, tell kids that these are rare occurrences. Then, it’s prudent to go over safety rules. After that, get kids to express their feelings.

Robin Karr-Morse, a Portland therapist and author, presents the benefits of having kids verbalize what’s going on inside: “As they tell how they’re feeling, the parent can give feedback from their child’s perspective. A shared emotional state between parent and child is the payoff. Finally, after the child has given his take on things and expressed his anger, sadness or fear, it provides a fertile ground for learning. A parent can then teach and offer answers to provocative questions.”

We teach our kids about stranger danger. Expecting a child to fend off an attacker, however, is a lot to ask. Child safety is ultimately an adult problem. It is parents’ responsibility to protect and make wise decisions about where their children are and with whom.

Our unfortunate local tragedy is about two lives and 13 years of missed opportunities. From parental choices to missing paperwork and so much more, we’ve witnessed what the consequences can be when the system fails.

Maybe everyone did the best they knew how. Then again, maybe we’re finding out that parenting is more than doing the best we know how. It now seems more about learning as much as we can.

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